More Potty Talk!

Bathrooms are funny.  Bathroom humor, as sophomoric as it is, is still funny deep down.  I marvel at the lengths people are willing to go to try and make their bathrooms serious and respectable.  Try as you might, bathrooms are still funny.

What do you do with the kid that is so full of personality and unbridled humor, but can't seem to focus on college or studies?  Would it be right to force them into a serious career like a tree doctor or sewage plant operator?  Would they ever be happy? 

Can a bathroom be serious?  Elegant? 

I'm not sure.  I've seen some really fancy bathrooms: gold inlay, murals, travertine floors, personal attendants.  Even with the finest embellishments, someone still goes in there to grunt, poop, and make disgusting noises.  I bet they even look at the results of their efforts before it is flushed in the gold toilet.  It seems to me that the most serious efforts at making a bathroom respectable are the most hilarious.  The juxtaposition is just so wonderful.

What if the innate humor in your bathroom was something to be proud of?  Maybe we would have bathroom comedy clubs.  How cool would it be to have a T.V. show devoted to funny bathrooms!  I'd watch! 

I think a bathroom that talked to you would be awesome.  But it would need a really great voice.  Maybe a Pee Wee Herman voice! 

How cool would it be if your bathroom had a comedy routine.  While you were in the shower shaving your legs it could poke fun at the refrigerator.  "That cold box is one cold hearted bitch!" 

Imagine how cool it would be if your toilet was programmed to make loud explosion noises whenever anyone sat down!  What if the floor was a fortune teller.  When you walk in, first thing in the morning, it might say, "Good morning Dave.  Today a bird will poop on your head and you'll get food poisoning at lunch time..."  I'd appreciate that kind of information.  I think I'd go back to bed, and call in sick...   "Sorry, I won't be in today.  The bathroom floor says I'd have a bad day, so I'm staying in..."

I think we really need to help our bathrooms be more funny.  Then again, I can't imagine anything much more hilarious than sitting naked and cold in a draining bathtub, waiting for the water to get below the edge of the tub door so I can step out.  Forget strip searches and water boarding, sitting naked in a tub while that damn little tub drain mocks you with its small sucking vortex, that is true comedic torture!