Friday, May 25, 2012

A Purse Full of Water


There has been a lot of discussion regarding alternative fuels and their integration into single family housing and perhaps you've been involved in some of these discussions.  You've probably seen solar panels at home shows and in magazines.  You may have even seen windmills or wind generators popping up in places.  Do not misunderstand, I think these are awesome technologies.  How cool will it be to be able to have your home generate more energy that it uses!  We could even look to a day when home energy generation rivals home gardening.  Just think, one day you could be monitoring your solar garden while you water your blueberries...  That will be pretty neat.  I just dont believe that were able to fully capitalize on these technologies yet. 

What I hope to impart is how important it is to get ready for the future.  For those of you old enough to remember the flying cars in "Back to the Future," you'll recall that Doc got a hover conversion done on the Delorian.  What we don't have yet is an easy "energy conversion" for our homes.

Let's see if I can explain the boring science in an interesting way that makes some sense....

In many ways, air performs like a liquid.  It flows through holes, transfers energy (especially heat), and creates turbulence when it moves.  Your house is really a big air container, and for our purposes, we'll think of it as a large purse. 

Not many women I know want to carry a purse full of water.  It would do horrible things to the contents, and it would render all personal hygiene products completely useless, but for our example a purse works pretty good.  There is certainly a performance aspect to a purse.  It generally has to perform a task, which is to hold stuff, but very few purses are purchased because they are really good stuff holders.  How many purses are marketed because of their great potential to carry your goldfish with you?

No, purses are purchased more for other reasons.  It may be the cool pockets, the way it is organized inside, its style, its color, the manufacturer, and the degree that the purse will increase one's status.  Some purses are large, others are small.  This too is as much about fashion as it is about function.  I don't see many large carpet bag purses in the dance clubs.  They don't go with club wear.

Now imagine that in the future there are flying cars for public use that run on water.  Anyone can walk up, pick a car and fly off, but you have to bring your own fuel with you.  Everyone would have to carry water with them if they wanted to go somewhere.  Your Gucci purse would need to hold water.  How well do you think it could do that?  What about the large canvas bag.  It will hold water, but not for very long.  The more open the weave of the fabric, the faster the water will pour out. 

Soon enough someone would market plastic zip lock bags to be used as water bladders for purses, but that's not a very elegant solution. Who wants to carry around plastic bags everywhere they go?  Eventually, someone would realize that the best solution would be a new purse that holds water and looks good.  Those would sell for a premium until other designers started to copy their ideas.  Sometime later someone might start a conversion service.  They might take your favorite purse and convert it with a hidden liner and special water proof pockets which keep the water away from the things it might damage.  These conversions would be expensive, but the costs would go down as new methods and technologies are developed to help convert "vintage" purses.  Just like Doc's Delorian, eventually, there might be an easy "conversion" as a way to utilize this new technology.

Right now we have technologies to produce energy at a residential scale, and the costs of these technologies are going down.  Soon enough we'll be able to include energy generation in our homes at reasonable and affordable rates.  How well our existing homes can hold this energy is another question. 

New homes can be designed and constructed to be very energy efficient.  Modifying an existing home to achieve a similar level of performance is more difficult and can be terribly expensive, but there are some very sound strategies you might consider. 

First, make your purse hold water better.  For your house that would mean improving the exterior envelope by increasing the wall and attic insulation values, decreasing infiltration rates, employing reflective surfaces on the roof, and maximizing the performance of your windows and doors.  Remember, that these efforts should be thought of as a total system rather than single elements.  Think of the purse holding water.  Taping up one side will help that part hold water better, but the rest of the purse will still leak. 

Second, look at your consumption.  If you spend more money than you keep in your wallet, it won't matter how big it is.  The same is true with energy production.  If you use more than you can make, the investment of a very expensive solar system may never pay itself back.  Look for key areas of use, decrease plug loads, replace failing appliances with higher efficient models, change to energy saving light fixtures, unplug (or switch) televisions and appliances when not being used.   You may be surprised at how much energy you can save and still not affect your convenience.

Thirdly, look for deeper energy savings in the replacement of key equipment.  Furnaces, water heaters, and air conditioners represent a significant amount of the total energy used in this country.  After you have found ways to use less by improving your purse, you may consider looking at employing more efficient equipment.  The amount of energy saved in converting from an 80% efficient furnace to a 95% furnace could be enough to pay for the change in five years. 

Your Grandmother surely taught you the old saying that "a penny saved is a penny earned."  This is especially true of energy.  Saving energy saves you money, plus it puts you in a really good position for when you are able to grow energy in your garden.  You'll be in a better place to be able to take advantage of that future "hover conversion." 

Planning for the future will help you live better now.

Friday, May 18, 2012

More Potty Talk!


Bathrooms are funny.  Bathroom humor, as sophomoric as it is, is still funny deep down.  I marvel at the lengths people are willing to go to try and make their bathrooms serious and respectable.  Try as you might, bathrooms are still funny.

What do you do with the kid that is so full of personality and unbridled humor, but can't seem to focus on college or studies?  Would it be right to force them into a serious career like a tree doctor or sewage plant operator?  Would they ever be happy? 

Can a bathroom be serious?  Elegant? 

I'm not sure.  I've seen some really fancy bathrooms: gold inlay, murals, travertine floors, personal attendants.  Even with the finest embellishments, someone still goes in there to grunt, poop, and make disgusting noises.  I bet they even look at the results of their efforts before it is flushed in the gold toilet.  It seems to me that the most serious efforts at making a bathroom respectable are the most hilarious.  The juxtaposition is just so wonderful.

What if the innate humor in your bathroom was something to be proud of?  Maybe we would have bathroom comedy clubs.  How cool would it be to have a T.V. show devoted to funny bathrooms!  I'd watch! 

I think a bathroom that talked to you would be awesome.  But it would need a really great voice.  Maybe a Pee Wee Herman voice! 

How cool would it be if your bathroom had a comedy routine.  While you were in the shower shaving your legs it could poke fun at the refrigerator.  "That cold box is one cold hearted bitch!" 

Imagine how cool it would be if your toilet was programmed to make loud explosion noises whenever anyone sat down!  What if the floor was a fortune teller.  When you walk in, first thing in the morning, it might say, "Good morning Dave.  Today a bird will poop on your head and you'll get food poisoning at lunch time..."  I'd appreciate that kind of information.  I think I'd go back to bed, and call in sick...   "Sorry, I won't be in today.  The bathroom floor says I'd have a bad day, so I'm staying in..."

I think we really need to help our bathrooms be more funny.  Then again, I can't imagine anything much more hilarious than sitting naked and cold in a draining bathtub, waiting for the water to get below the edge of the tub door so I can step out.  Forget strip searches and water boarding, sitting naked in a tub while that damn little tub drain mocks you with its small sucking vortex, that is true comedic torture!

Friday, May 11, 2012

The bathroom. A scientific wonder.


Have you ever thought about toilets?  How they work.  What they do.  What they’re made of.  Who, for instance, decided that a toilet seat should be 15” off the ground?  Why is an accessible height toilet taller?  If you have an interest, let me know and I’ll send you some articles to read.

What is fascinating to me is how different cultures respond differently to defecation and the removal of fecal waste.  Pooping and flushing.  We here in America take the approach that if we don’t talk about it or acknowledge it, it doesn’t really exist.  Really, once you’ve been potty trained, do people ever ask you how your last poop was.  It even seems creepy or awkward when the doctor asks you about your last poop.  I thought it amusing the other day when the guys on the radio were shocked to learn that a woman may poop when she’s delivering her child.  Duh.

In Japan, they are much less poop adverse.  In fact, pooping is now as technologically advanced as the smart phone you keep your grocery list on.  Super high tech, self cleaning, integrated heating and air conditioning, multimedia pooping! 

So in planning your bathroom remodel, where do you place the importance of pooping?  Is it an all night library session when you finally have the chance to read the day’s paper (like it is for my Dad)?  Or is it a covert spy operation where all evidence self destructs thirty seconds after initiation?  Do you like to poop in seclusion, where the toilet is so far from civilization that you need a map and compass to get there, or do you like to poop and still be a part of the conversation?  I’ve seen bathrooms with no doors.  How do you feel about that?  Where does pooping fit into your world view?  Should your poop be fueling an ecological revolution, or would you rather it disappeared quietly, never to be heard of again, like a government witness under protection? 

I like the thought of making the bathroom the MOST uncomfortable room in my house.  I think I’d like to line the floor, walls and ceilings with mirrors and bright lights so that when you were in there pooping, you couldn’t escape from yourself pooping.  Then maybe dad wouldn’t spend so much time in there when he visits and my daughters would take shorter showers.